Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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