if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I enjoy the company of your penis
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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