I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
