is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize