I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
