I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
