You're completely useless in the revolution.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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