I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
