I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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