If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This is my gift to your gina
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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