if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
