Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
