so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize