Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
