she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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