He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
