You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
