It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
