I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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