he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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