party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
