If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
