She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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