it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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