I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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