He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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