i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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