i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
