Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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