Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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