I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
