I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
