had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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