we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
