scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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