Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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