you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
