Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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