Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
