I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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