woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
