you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Ketchup is God's man juice
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
