okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
