i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
