There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
