My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
