So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
