i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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