I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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