Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
