She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
