There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
