btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
