That's when you crack a 10am beer
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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