I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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