Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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