Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
