I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
