I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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