Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
