God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize