Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
